Help! I need somebody

Actually what I need is someone elses body – if you get what I mean.

I’ve hurt my shoulder.  Don’t know when, don’t know how.  It just hurts. A lot.  I can barely lift anything with my left arm. I’m talking a few kg’s at best with the dumbells.  And 30 seconds is the most I can achieve on a one arm plank.  Clearly somethings wrong.

My left arm has always been my ‘weaker’ arm (is that a thing? It’s definitely a thing with me but is that normal? In fact, best not get into that discussion!).  Truth be told it’s my entire left side that’s weaker.  Hmm, weak would probably be a better description.  That’s where my Harry Potter muscle is that gives me pain too.  On the left side of my back.  Do you know I can just picture myself when I’m older – wobbling round in circles because the left side of my body has totally quit on me and shrivelled up to nothing.  There I am, middle of a car park, just going round and round in circles.  Probably wearing a really heavy skirt and a shawl.  Can you still buy shawls? If not I will have made it.  No doubt.

Not that I am over reacting.  Nope.

It does genuinely feel like my left arm has shrivelled up, become thinner, lost all muscle.  I’m frightened to look in the mirror in case it’s true.  I wonder if you can get like one side of you transplanted.  Swap it for one that actually works and doesn’t break down.  Like Will Smith in I Robot.  Is that the one where the opening scene is him showering? Nice! Although I wonder if his arm gets rusty though.  That wouldn’t be a good look. Or maybe it’s made from titanium.

Biggest problem (other than my over active imagination) is that I don’t know how to fix it.  I’m guessing more focused strength training in that area but if I can barely hold my own body weight on it where do I begin? 

First person to say ‘lose weight’ dies. 

I had to pick up my sons birthday cake today and I couldn’t hold it in my left arm.  It’s a cake! A really, really awesome Paw Patrol cake but still, a cake!  Ironically I had planned on running to the place to pick it up before realising I couldn’t run back with a cake but that’s just by the by. 

Or maybe a side effect of my useless left side? Is it the left side of your brain that makes you stupid? 

It’s not just my shoulder that’s hurting either.  Well why would it be just one thing when I have 3 weekends in a row of races!  One of which naturally is a just a little marathon, you know, nothing big.  Nothing I’ve been training for or aiming for, nothing I’m keen to get improvements on.  Oh no.  ‘Just’ a marathon.  It’s my calves as well.  Tighter than a politicians behind when asked about his expenses they are.  So I’ve spent over 3 hours stretching today.  I’ve spent more time on that foam roller than I have googling how to get a body transplant. And consequently have felt like I’ve done nothing all bloody day.

That’s probably why I’m ‘over reacting’ right now.  Boredom.  What do people do if they don’t run or cycle or swim? 

They go to car parks and walk aimlessly around in a circle because their bodies are f………..

Anyway.  That’s enough.  I’m going to parkrun tomorrow.  Going to do a gentle, slow 5k, ease the legs.  

If the left side of my body doesn’t actually die and start to decompose whilst I’m sleeping.